With the busy routine going around your kids, school pickups and drop-offs, diaper changes and putting them to bed by 9pm, the charm of the best relationship in the world has faded away. Some of you might not even remember the last time you had a real conversation about each other that did not involve your kids. Days went by into weeks and weeks into months, the relationship that was effortless once has now grown to be a schedule with a very long to-do list.

If you want more than 24 hours a day to make time for your partner you are not alone. Read along to see if you could find anything meaningful and can add more with your comments below.

Why It’s So Hard Once You Have Kids

Before having kids your routine was flexible and you could easily make time for your partner. Your evenings were mostly free and your to-do lists were short. But your post-kids life is full of chores you must do. Having kids adds multiple tasks on your brain and your day. Urgency is added to every aspect of your life and always win over not urgent aspects of your relationship which includes making time for your partner.

It’s never about care as you might assume that post-kids couples stop caring about their partners. With time the phrase we’ll catch up later becomes dominant in the relationship after every passing week. You decide to make time every weekend but every passing week you keep targeting the upcoming weekend. Recognizing that this absence of time is a side effect of parenting and not taking it personally is the first step of improving and fixing any issue.

Why It’s Worth Prioritizing Anyway

Your mind might prioritize the need of you between your partner and your little one and obviously your kid is totally dependent on you. But you need to realize that strong partnership is also a sign of good parenting and is a crucial part of raising a child. Kids have a huge impact when they grow around two well versed, loving individuals who treat each other with respect and value their presence around. They feel the warmth and learn a lot from parents and two loving parents often bring up confident and well behaved children.

If you think that when you make time your partner your kids lose some of their time then you are wrong. The time spent on your partner is an investment on the environment your child grows up in. This environment also acts as an insurance for your relationship. Parenting is genuinely hard, and doing it alongside someone you feel connected to is very different from doing it alongside someone who’s become more like a co-worker running a household with you.

Small Ways to Make Time for Your Partner (Without a Babysitter)

It is not necessary that when you receive a complain to make time for your partner, they are not expected to always take them for date nights or demands you to spend much money. You can fulfil their wishes by making small changes and little ways that are really possible in real life.

• Try spending 15 minutes right after you put your kids to sleep. Refrain from chores during this time and leave your phones aside. Even a small and pleasant conversation counts more than your imagination.
• Try turning chores into shared times. Cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry, putting toys to their place together with actual conversations also counts. Try not being silent when with your partner.
• Try to make time for your partner by sending a mid-day text and it shouldn’t be logistics. Missing you or sharing inside joke or a memory or thinking about a past time can keep connection alive.
• Try to eat meals without screens, even if it’s just the two of you after the kids go down. Small, repeated rituals matter more than occasional big gestures.

Bigger Ways to Make Time for Your Partner When You Can

When you have more flexibility you can throw in bigger efforts that can go a long way:

• Try making child-free time for your partner by leaving them at their grandparent’s. Not to make it a routine but it is important for both of you to enjoy eachother’s presence without kids.
• Date nights also need as much importance as any other thing that matters. If you wait for things to calm down before scheduling a date night, you will never get to arrange it. Treat it same as any important meeting, doctor’s appointment etc.
• If only one of you is making all the efforts planning for a date you can try and take turns. This makes it a chore and increases the excitement. When the effort is split it helps in creating a mutual feeling and makes your date exciting.
• Many couples agree that even a short trip without kids helps resetting the dynamics of couple which is hard to do at home. In an environment where something is always demanding your attention you can’t reset your relationship’s dynamics.

Handling the Guilt That Comes With It

Many parents, especially moms, feel guilty the moment they make time for their partner instead of the kids. This is a common issue but it is necessary to solve it. When you make time for your partner even if it is an hour, it doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your children. It means you’re investing on the foundation their whole home is built on.

Try reframing if you feel guilt or your partner feels it. Try mentioning that this time isn’t taken away from your kids. It’s an investment in the version of you and your partner that shows up for them every single day. A relationship that’s cared for tends to make parenting itself feel less exhausting, not more.

Sometimes this guilt gets worse when other people around you comment or judge, like a relative asking why you left the kids for a date or a friend implying you should always put them first. Try to not let this affect the effort you’re putting to make time for your partner. Every parent and every relationship has their own needs and no one outside your home actually understands your dynamic. Trust that the small hour you take for your partner today is going to come back as patience and warmth you give your kids tomorrow.

What to Do When Your Partner Isn’t Making the Effort

Sometimes one of you is trying to make time for your partner and the other one seems checked out. Before assuming the worst, it’s worth having a direct conversation without putting blame on them: “I miss us, and I want to figure out how to find time together.” Many partners genuinely don’t notice the drift until it’s said out loud, and it’s not because they don’t care; exhaustion makes everyone default to just getting through the day.
If you’ve mentioned it clearly and consistently and nothing changes, that is worth paying attention to as well. Wanting connection isn’t asking too much, it’s a reasonable need in any long-term relationship, parenting or not.

Signs It’s Time to Make Time for Your Partner

Sometimes the need creeps up so gradually that it’s easy to miss it. A few signs that it’s worth prioritizing sooner rather than later:

• Conversations have become almost entirely about logistics, schedules, groceries, who’s picking up whom.
• You feel more like co-managers of a household than partners.
• Small annoyances keep building up because there’s no time to actually talk them through.
• You genuinely can’t remember the last time you laughed together about something unrelated to the kids.

None of these are emergencies on their own. But together they are a fairly clear sign that making time for your partner has slipped further down the list than it should have.

Start Small, Not Perfect

You don’t need a weekly date night or a big romantic gesture to make time for your partner. Consistency matters way more than scale. Five honest, connected minutes a day will do more for your relationship than one elaborate night out every few months that never actually happens because life gets in the way.
Parenting will always compete for your attention and some seasons will be harder than others. But choosing, again and again, to make time for your partner, even in small and imperfect ways, is one of the most quietly powerful things you can do for your family as a whole.