Relationship Struggles after Kids: Why Does Love Feel Like A Chore Now?

Relationship struggles after kids are common, yet no one talks about them openly. We at Momjoys believe that every mother’s journey should pave the way for the next one. That can only happen if we openly talk about our challenges and how we overcame them.

Things are different when it involves only two people. Living in that scenario seems easy and hassle-free. We can compare the love before kids to flowing with the stream. Yes, there might be some rocks and turbulence within the stream, but still the flow will be in your favor. Then a child comes, and the stream starts flowing in the opposite direction. Now, both of you need to make continuous efforts to reach each other.

Lovers become Managers

One of the most common relationship struggles after kids is the fear that your partner doesn’t love you. But their love has taken the back seat for some time. Their first priority becomes the child who demands your 24/7 attention. Your intimate discussions are replaced by the daily task confirmations, like “Have you bought the diapers? Did you feed the child? Why is he crying so much? Who will take him to the appointment?

The Roommate Phase

A phase where you function as roommates rather than romantic partners is known as the roommate phase. You share all the responsibilities of the house, the child, grocery shopping and work, but you forget to make time for intimacy. This phase often strikes after childbirth, due to a sudden shift in responsibilities, triggering your survival mode.

Many couples realize this shift too late and find it really hard to get their intimate relationship back on track. Remember that it is the most common relationship struggle after the kids, and even if it feels lonely, you are never alone. The key is to approach your partner and take that one difficult step, and the rest will follow.

Communication Leaves the Room

The burden of new responsibilities drains you to the point of exhaustion, and it becomes hard to have heartfelt conversations. Usually, mothers feel more mental pressure from all the meal planning, appointment tracking, and postpartum, whereas the father feels left out and unable to do things right.

This silence can lead to resentment, which manifests in sarcastic or unkind remarks. The communication gap is a serious relationship challenge after kids. Acknowledging this transition and healing it together with patience is an important step.

Baby Steps towards Reconnection

After a long discussion about the reality of relationship struggles after kids, we have some good news for disheartened readers. The connection you once had is not lost and can be rebuilt. Your determination and patience can make your relationship with your partner even stronger, even amid the parenting chaos. The following are some of the small yet powerful tips for jump-starting:

• Private Time – Set aside 15 minutes each day for honest talks. Discuss topics unrelated to your child and learn about each other’s challenges.
• Appreciation – Appreciate each other more often with words. Say “Thank You” for little things like changing the diaper, preparing the meal or taking over the nighttime.
• Share Emotional Load – It is as important to share mental pressure as it is to share physical pressure. We often contribute to chores but forget to contribute to the mental load.
• Reignite Small Gestures – Little efforts can go a long way. Make some time to write a small note of love and support for your partner. Use terms like “I Love You” and “I Miss You” more often.

Remember, if you still feel that the gap is too deep to fill alone, then you can always seek couples therapy. It will be a sign of your commitment to the relationship and family.

Evolution Is Natural For All

Everything evolves with time, and so does your relationship with time. Sometimes your love isn’t broken; it’s just different after kids. Love after kids often seems quieter, but remember that it is also steadier than before. The love you once had is still there in the dark, waiting to be nurtured and taken care of.

By just highlighting and realizing the relationship struggles after kids, you have started the healing process.

Let’s Not Stop Here

In Part 3 of The Other Side of Parenthood, we’ll talk about the loneliest part of parenting: “I Miss Me” – finding your identity again as a parent.